How to organise a piss up in a brewery

Whitechapel Road – The Blind Beggar

We arrived in Whitechapel at 11 o’clock and as there weren’t any pubs open we went to McDonalds to get something to eat.
Starting in Whitechapel was our first mistake, the pubs didn’t open until midday and so we stood outside the Blind Beggar in a queue of people waiting for it to open.
I bullied everyone to drink quickly so that we could get on with going to Old Kent Road, it was a long way.

Old Kent Road – The Five Bells

Once we got everyone out of The Blind Beggar we took the East London Line to New Cross where is was easy to find a bus to Old Kent Road, the Five Bells was at the start so we were really making good time at this point (this was probably the only point we were making good time at). While here I asked the locals at the bar the easiest way to Tower Hill and they pointed us back to Whitechapel where we would have to get the District Line.
After running for a bus the driver told us that we were already at New Cross Gate, so after walking around the corner low and behold there it was and there was a train waiting for us.

Fenchurch Street Station – Novotel Hotel

There were no pubs open at Fenchurch Street Station, and we wasted a lot of time trying to find one open in the area. Eventually we opted for the bar in a hotel, which provided incredibly slow service due to the fact there weren’t enough staff on.
We checked the map and organised to go to Fleet St. – At this point we were aware that there probably wouldn’t be any pubs open there either. But I had a plan

Fleet Street – Bed

Well Smithfields actually, as I suspected there were no pubs open on Fleet St. so we carried on down a bit and went to a bar at Smithfields. There was a pub next to Blackfriars Station but as we had already walked as far as Fleet St. when I found out there didn’t seem any point in walking all the way back again.
So at Bed we found probably the most unusual bar of our travels, and the place I enjoyed the most. We sat outside and didn’t move for far longer than we should have and had a great conversation with someone who was signing up the musical people amongst us for a sort of open mike night.

Liverpool Street Station – Hamilton Hall

We took the bus to Liverpool St. sasy so far, we were well behind time but still confident that we would do twenty pubs, it could only get easier from here surely. One of our number opted to take a chance in the next pub and rolled for it, he ended up with having to pull his trousers down. Again we spent too long in the pub and some friction started, but it was all forgotten by the time we reached Angel.

Islington – The Angel

Probably the most aptly named pub we went to, cheap and full of children, so we shielded our friend as he pulled his trousers down to his knees and up again in one swift movement. Nobody even noticed.
We were quicker here and went straight for the bus stop to get the bus to Pentonville Road, only it was the wrong one. As soon as a bus came I asked the driver where the buses to Kings Cross went from and he didn’t know. At this point half of us were making for the tube station, so we went there – it is only one stop after all.
9 Minutes for the next train really soured the mood though.

Kings Cross Station – Coopers

No worries about this one being closed – Kings Cross never stops, we didn’t stay long, it isn’t a nice place to be drinking. So we charged out to find Pentonville Road and the pub we had missed.

Pentonville Road – The Finca

Pentonville Road was easy to find and there was bound to be a pub near the station wasn’t there … surely not far up the road … is that one … no .. just a little bit further though?
Well after about a ten minute walk up the road we found the Finca, it was empty and looked more sort of restauranty than a pub, but we were desperate so it would do.
Someone took a chance and had to stand on a chair for the duration, no big deal in an empty pub.

Euston Road – The Euston Flyer

Our confidence returned with the ease in which we found the Euston Flyer, we were following someone else’s crawl but so far had only managed about four of the same pubs as them. We were now entering out territory though and were sure we could make up time in the West End.

Oxford Street – The Tottenham

Again it was easy, we knew the area and made good time here.

Marlborough Street – The Shakespears Head

It is arguable whether this is actually on Great Marlborough Street but it is a nicer pub than the others around there and we could sit outside again. At this point we were still quite confident of making twenty pubs, although we weren’t sure if the pub in Marylebone Station was going to be open. Only one way to find out.

Marylebone Station –

A little bit remote from the station, our fears had been justified. And now things started going pear shaped.
I made my second mistake (I blame a lack of food, I hadn’t eaten anything since 10 o’clock, while some people had managed to sort out pizza for themselves), but I informed people in error that this pub would count as two, if we had two drinks in it – Marylebone Station and Marlborough St. (which we had already been to) Only one person followed my instructions luckily.
Then for a little bit of fun we decided to all take a chance each and a huge row ensued when some people refused to do theirs, we wasted a lot of time arguing about that and the bad feeling lingered.

Mayfair –

The most upmarket pub on the route but no more expensive really. Apparently it had the best toilets. I was starting to feel the worst for wear at this point, a lack of sleep the night before, no food and an excess of alcohol were starting to take their toll on everyone there.
Still we got out of the pub without arguing and started to make for Park Lane.

Park Lane – The Meridian Hotel

There is a pub on Park Lane but we couldn’t find it and so someone had to idea of sharing a bottle of wine in one of the hotels. Which we did, (They actually let us in – in spite of the fact that I had a spider drawn on my face.
This is where things really started to kick off, I can’t remember why or what we were saying but but the time we had all sat there for five minutes we were arguing heatedly. I am amazed they didn’t throw us out.
When we did leave, we left the money for the wine on the table and walked out, the waitress came running after us to ask us why we leaving without paying. So me and one other guy went back in and showed her where the money was.

Bond Street – The Pig In The Pound

I don’t know if this is on Bond St. or New Bond St as I’m told it should be but by that time nobody cared. The fighting was non-stop and there was no thought about continuing the pub crawl even though it wasn’t quite closing time.
It is testament to our stubbornness that although nobody could say anything nice to one another nobody wanted to leave. I think this bodes well for when we try it again – in a better order and on a day when all the pubs are open.